Part Four: Self-Observation and Ego
figuring out ego, from being to playing, 3 stages of paratheatre
(updated 12/24/09)

There comes a point where no further artistic development is possible without addressing the issue of ego. “Ego”, as it is used here, refers to any emotional investment and attachment to a particular image of ourselves (often an “ego ideal”), resulting in fixation with that self-image. Ego as self-image; big ego as big self-image. If the channels to creativity are to remain open we must distinguish between an “image” of who we are and the source of who we are. Image and source. Ego, like any image,expresses one aspect of who we truly are. By confusing ego for the whole Self, self-delusion sets in.

The self-proclaimed "Artist" is a modernday delusion; the title of Artist is for others to decide. Anyone confusing ego with source can become easily convinced that "I am the one creating" when, at best, we are vehicles for the expression of Creation through us. Developing this image/source discernment constitutes an important aspect of self-work for any performing artist. Who are we ? Who are you? Who am I ?

Are you your name ? Are you the offspring of your parents and the genetic link to the future of your ancestral gene pool ? Are you the collection of your habits, fears, desires and needs ? Are you a figment of your imagination, a dreamer dreaming your existence into being ? Are you what you were hoping for ? Beyond all the social conditioning, parental and genetic influences, our education and philosophical ideas and beliefs, who are we ? We are all expressions of Humanity, God, Love, Void; many are the names for our nameless source.

Ego expresses a subcategory of the larger category of the archetype of The Self; the ego is also suboridnate to, and created by, The Self. When the part (ego) is confused for the whole (being), we become “bedeviled” by ego. Ego is not the devil but identifying with ego can be bedeviling. Who has not experienced creative shutdown -- our so-called “creative blocks” -- following any act of falsely assuming credit for what we never truly originated ? It does us well to openly discuss and expose the Imposter, the Poseur. We are not only more than we think; we are more than we can think.

If ego amounts to self-image then, perhaps our true Self dwells in the depths of a concept-free zone beyond words, images or explanations. Whatever cannot be explained or understood, however, can be experienced directly as presence. Who has not discovered the presence of silence within them ? Standing alone in a forest or gazing upwards under a starry desert night sky, are we not a little awestruck by the presence of silence and stillness ? The mystery of our being dwells in this presence of silence, draws sustenance from its depth of stillness.

The I Ching, the great Chinese Book of Changes, interprets "leadership" as "whomever is closest to center". This leader does not lead by telling others what to do. This leader guides others by example. This leader plays close to center. This distinction, between being the center of attention and playing close to center, marks the difference between sourcing the ego and placing ego in service to a greater source.

Playing the ego, rather than being the ego, requires a certain freedom from self-image. This emotional flexibility can be achieved by intentionally contradicting any self-image. Good actors (those who do not just play themselves) often do this by choosing contrary roles with each project; they mix it up. When we are free to embody, express and play a quality or image contrary to the image that narcissism covets, we stretch the ego; we embrace more of our innate humanity. For example, if we have become too enamored of the image of our strength, we may do well to play weakness. If we are in love with the self-image of independence, perhaps we are ready to play a more dependent role. If we covet an ego of intelligence, why not choose an image to openly explore our ignorance ? If you pride yourself as a radical person, are you radical enough to be conservative ? And so forth...

As the ego stretches, so does empathy take root. As we become more willing and able to perceive more reality in ourselves, we naturally develop a sensibility for what we care about and what we don't care for. We learn to live with a little more truth about ourselves, each other, our humanity. Our conscience develops. As we embrace more contraries within our nature, our humanity, more internal freedom and flexibility results. And a flexible ego means a strong ego; not a big ego, which only crimps our talent and denies full Self-access. Perhaps more essentially, the strong, flexible ego becomes necessary for the transformaton of being -- not merely any change of state or condition -- allowing for real growth and development of the being. Without such transformation and evolution we become as parodies of ourselves; our one-sided egos suffer dismal redundancy, mediocrity and the slow death of all things soulful, creative and alive.

 

THREE STAGES OF PARATHEATRE WORK

True initiation does not require ritual to occur; it is a spiritual event. At best a ritual can act as a device or a tool to assist the expression of authentic initiatic experience -- that which has never occured to one before and for which one can never truly be prepared. The first initiation is Self-initiation -- the exposure of oneself to oneself. This means to leave the self-conscious watcher behind and enter the circle of participation. Words, images, explanations... all belong to the watcher. To the participant, experience is everything. This initiatic process marks the first stage of paratheatre work. Two additional, inter-related stages mark further development. All three stages express an intimately entwined process; no graduations, no final arrivals. Each stage remains an essential component of the other:

IMMERSION. The first stage involves cultivating enough internal receptivity -- via the No-Form experience -- to vital sources of energy in the body itself as movement resources. The intent is to offer oneself up to these sources as an immersive experience of self-surrender. The results can be ecstatic, convulsive, cathartic, and chaotic.

SERVICE. The second stage involves serving the direction of the energy itself towards expressing its innate patterns and currents through gesture, voice, movement, and action. The intent is to serve the expression of the energy itself without identifying with the energy or imposing any preconceived ideas, plans or images onto the outcome. The results can be dramatic and expressive yet without necessarily communicating anything understandable.

PRECISION. The third stage involves a sustaining care for tempering spontaneity with a gently increasing precision. Too much spontaneity turns the work into self-indulgent soup; too much imposed structure kills its life. A balance must be struck. This balance requires a certain stamina for maintaining the dynamic tension between precision and spontaneity, between form and force, or flow, towards ever-increasing durations. The results can be economical, distilled, simple, and specific.

Part One: Orientation
culture, paratheatre, emotional plague

Part Two: Integrity Loss and Recovery
the force of commitment, what feeds the being, the good fight

Part Three: The Performer/Audience Romance
talent and skill, the total act, the No-Form technique

Part Five: Double Vision
the first and second attentions

Part Six: Self-initiation
the bridge between the worlds, what drains the power of dreaming

Part Seven: A Cultural Overview
the war in heaven, a society gone mad, and a whole lot of heart